Thought Catalog

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1. Tizor the Grand Mage

In his latest brochure, Tizor the Grand Mage details a plan to play financial chicken with the New York Stock Exchange. His left-field approach stems from his historical encounters with stock bubbles, which have long since left him enormously wealthy. For example, Tizor still owns shares of Berkshire Hathaway, which cost about $1500 at the time (at the time of this writing, BRK.A was priced at $192,441.00 a share). According to Tizor, the spells he was taught by his father, the luminous Gruefuis the Wild, helped tremendously with his financial acumen. “I thought about investing in real estate, but my father — bless his spirit — warned me that it would be suicide,” Tizor the Grand Mage said. “Why invest in something that people can physically ruin, when you can invest in something that people need, but is intangible? So I invested a good…

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